Alone
by Crimson Coin
Summary: Lita is fallen. Will she be able to overcome the obstacles of oblivion and apathy to find herself again? Will anyone be able to help her or is she already lost?


Title: Alone  
  
Author: Crimson Coin Crimson_Coin@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Summery: Lita reflects on her life and gets dragged into the lonely oblivion of apathy. Can anyone save her?  
  
Timeline: February 2004  
  
Archiving: Go for it, just email me first  
  
Disclaimer: The WWE and all mentioned characters are not property of me. They are of their own ownership and this story is entirely fictional.  
  
+++  
  
Lita smiled, forcing a laugh at the joke her dear friend had just told. Trish really was quite a sweetheart and the last thing that Lita wanted was for her to be worried. Trish was happy and Lita knew that. She knew the budding relationship the pretty blonde had with Chris Jericho was very important to her. She knew that Trish was completely in love with the Blonde man. And she truly was happy for both of her friends, that they'd found each other.  
  
Trish giggled. "Lita, you wouldn't believe what Chris did for me today. He bought me a bouquet of red roses."  
  
"Wow." Lita said. "For Valentine's Day."  
  
Trish shook her head, hugging the bouquet to her chest. "No, just ... Just because he wanted to."  
  
Lita nodded as Trish continued to speak, to talk of her relationship. It wasn't long after the televised angle that Trish and Chris began seeing each other behind the scenes. And it only took a few months for the two Canadians to be in a hardcore relationship. A relationship that incorporated mutual respect and love and caring. Lita was drawn from her thoughts.  
  
"Where's my gorgeous girl?"  
  
The brightest smile spread onto Trish's face as she turned, throwing herself into the man's arms. "Oh God, Chrissy, you're so wonderful."  
  
Chris Jericho smiled. "You bet I'm wonderful. Just you wait till you see how wonderful I can be."  
  
Trish nearly squealed with glee, hugging him even tighter as she whispered in his ear. "Chris, I've never been this happy before in my life."  
  
"Me neither, Baby." He answered softly, hugging her too. "Come on, let's sit on the couch and watch the rest of the show.  
  
Lita couldn't wipe the smile off her face as the two blondes walked hand in hand over to the sofa and sat down, the tiny woman curling into his side. Their hands were clasped tightly together, his arm draped over her shoulder, pulling her right against his body and Trish pillowed her head on the man's shoulder.  
  
They looked so happy. So utterly happy like there wasn't a care in the world and as long as they were together ... well then everything would be ok.  
  
Lita's gaze continued scanning the room. Shane Helms sat in a corner with Christian, the two men conversing about the latest hockey season. Shane spotted her and perked up, smiling and waving. Lita forced a smile, waving back at the two men and the two stood, walking over to her and sitting next to her.  
  
Stacy and Test walked into the room as well, immediately taking their place by Christian and Shane, all intrigued in whatever conversation was going on. But Lita couldn't bring herself to care. Yes, she listened politely, nodding her agreement at times and laughing when everyone else would. But she really didn't know what she was laughing at.  
  
It didn't matter though. She was used to putting on the relaxed façade where everyone assumed that she was alright. Especially when she wasn't. Like right now.  
  
Lita sniffed, trying to push her thoughts from her mind and pay attention to the conversations around her, to the dear friends that surrounded her, including her into their conversations and their lives. Even Jericho had broken from his trance with Trish every once in a while to add his two cents.  
  
But Lita simply couldn't bring herself to comment. She just didn't know what to say, much less really want to say anything. She saw Matt Hardy enter the room, a bright beaming smile on his face as he walked over to her and leaned down. "Hey, Babe." And he gave her a kiss on the mouth.  
  
"Hey, Matt." Lita answered somewhat routinely. Though it seemed that day- by-day her relationship with Matt just grew more and more bland. It was as if they were together because they were used to each other; there was no more passion, no more pull, no more romance. They just lived together and traveled together and that was it.  
  
She couldn't even remember the last time he told her that he loved her, much less did anything to show her. Not that she doubted him. She knew he wasn't cheating on her and she did know that he loved her. But after the first few years, his terms of endearments lessened, his romantic ways diminished. And soon if felt no different then a relationship with another male friend, only there was sex.  
  
Lita nodded at whatever Matt had said to her. For all she knew, she just sold her soul, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Whatever. It didn't matter. She couldn't be bothered thinking about that, it didn't even matter.  
  
Whatever he wanted was fine. She didn't want to argue, no matter what he wanted. It wasn't worth it and she wasn't in the mood for aggravation, much less a fight in the middle of the locker room.  
  
That was really all they did lately. If they weren't fighting, they were simply being. Just living day in and day out, with nothing additional to life.  
  
Lita glanced to the side, watching as Trish giggled, Chris leaning down and burying his face in her hair, whispering something into her ear. He pulled away, laughing for the life of him and she laughed just as hard. Then he leaned down, kissing her softly.  
  
Lita could see the affection, the love in that kiss. And she remembered a long time ago when Matt used to kiss her like that. She could see Trish's reaction, the wide eyes, her love clear on her face.  
  
Lita knew what that felt like. She could remember it so well. The way a caress would make her skin crawl, her muscles twitch and her heart race. How her body would tremble in his embrace or how it felt to be held, and cherished ... worshiped by a man. It had been so long. So long since she felt that. Since she felt what her dear friend was now experiencing.  
  
She didn't envy Trish. Not really. It wasn't jealousy in the least. Lita didn't want Chris and was truly happy that Trish and Chris were together the way they were, that her friend's could have that feeling from each other. That feeling of pure joy that churned in the core from a look into a lover's eyes.  
  
Lita couldn't look away at the sight of Chris and Trish. The lover's eyes were locked and Chris had the most intense adoration in his eyes, as if he would change the world for her if only she breathed the word. He reached out, cupping her cheek with a gentle hand.  
  
Lita felt her skin burn. She remembered what it felt to be touched like that. To have the warm rough feel of a lover's hand gently caressing the soft skin of her cheek. She felt tears in the back of her eyes as Chris leaned down, taking Trish's lips in the most sensually sweet kiss that Lita had ever witnessed.  
  
She had to look away then unworthy of witnessing such a hallowed and beautiful love filled embrace. She swallowed every emotion and turned her attention on anything that wasn't the two lovers. But it still did no help. Lita was sensitive to the atmosphere and she could feel the affectionate, passionate, adoring charge that the two emitted.  
  
Her eyes fell Matt. And yet again she felt her emotions churn, but far from the emotions that Trish was currently enveloped in. On the contrary, Lita felt pain and rejection.  
  
She thought back to that weekend. Valentine's Day weekend. A few days prior Matt had asked her if she wanted to do anything special. Lita, being slightly flirtatious, had told him that it made no difference. It was up to him. She fully expected him to arrange something romantic, even if he took her out to dinner, made her breakfast, got her flowers or candy or a nice skirt ... anything.  
  
She awoke that morning with an intense feeling of excitement, of joy in the hopes that Matt would have something wonderful planned.  
  
He didn't.  
  
He'd taken her words literally. No dinner, no flowers, no card, no chocolates, not even a 'Happy Valentine's Day, Baby' when she woke up. He didn't even make love to her that night.  
  
That memory brought only pain for her. Despite everything else he had done, past Valentine's Days and Birthdays and even random days where he would sweep her off her feet. Those days were gone, destroyed and almost forgotten with the pangs this most recent moment had borne upon her.  
  
Lita had felt something die that day. She could feel it in her chest. Her heart was no longer whole. Instead a heavy weight pulled at the bottom, elongating her once full vibrant heart into a slender stringed void of nothing. The months, maybe even year prior she had been existing on a hope, on a fantasy that he was truly the same man that she fell in love with; that he was still missing link of her life.  
  
Realizations had come to light that evening. Realizations that she had long been denying, whether out of fear or naivety, the reason made no difference. Sitting in the locker room amidst friends, even her lover ... Lita felt alone.  
  
Her heart, her mind and soul no longer contained those vital emotions for happiness. She could feel only depression and rejection, even apathy. Day in and Day out, nothing would change. It was all for routine and nothing more.  
  
She cursed herself for being so weak, for feeling Trish's emotions. She could feel the tiny blonde. Feel her joy, her happiness. Feel something inside of Chris that was never inside Matt, or if it was it had died long ago. Just as that elation within Trish had died within Lita as well.  
  
Lita could feel the tears well up in her eyes. She could feel the constant pull and twisting of her heart, her very core aching for something. For anything. The empty void calling for anything or anyone. That void needed to be filled. With each moment, the void would grow, little by little. Emptiness was consuming her to the point where her friends brought her no solace. Her volunteer work brought her no relief. All she could feel was pain. Lita only felt pain and devoid.  
  
No  
  
Lita felt nothing. Her tears had immediately receded back into herself, her emotions immediately swallowed. And she felt nothing. She felt no joy at the sight of her friends engaged in the sweetest of embraces. She felt no humor at her friend's jokes. She felt no happiness at Trish's completeness, felt no glee at Chris's fill.  
  
She simply felt nothing. She heard someone call her name and Lita looked towards the voice, her face blank from emotion.  
  
Matt had spoken, and from the look on his face, neither he nor anyone in the room had noticed her sudden change. Her permanent change. Matt smiled. "Ok, Babe, you ready to go?"  
  
Lita wasn't in the mood for anyone to pick her brain if something was wrong. She knew her friend's meant well, but to deal with that right now would only be a nuisance and it wasn't worth the aggravation. So she faked a simple smile. "Sure, Sweetie. Let's get out of here."  
  
She left the room with Matt, never breaking to look back.  
  
Jeff Hardy watched from his secluded corner of the room, semi-concerned as the redhead left, even more concerned about the sudden change of manner he instantly noticed about the woman. He saw it in her.  
  
He saw the demons of want, of need and loneliness. He saw the monsters behind her eyes, clawing mercilessly at her soul, her very being in an attempt to rip her in twain. And from the looks of the rest of the locker room, no one else noticed.  
  
Of course they wouldn't notice.  
  
Jeff felt the emptiness within himself consume him even further. Why would anyone else notice the change in her, hell the change in himself those two years ago? They didn't even know what it was. But he did. He recognized in Lita the same demons that had been tearing at him for months. He recognized that apathetic stare. That same stare that would greet him in the mirror every morning.  
  
Those same demons that would glare back at him, mocking him, tormenting him in the vast space that used to be his heart. Those demons that had staked their claim on the void of nothing, prohibiting any further true emotion from flowering within.  
  
And so he sat in his corner, a notebook in his lap to avoid suspicion. Everyone left him alone, figuring he was just writing, or being poetic as usual. In truth he hadn't written or much less created anything since he'd fallen into this void. He'd felt total apathy towards his art and simply could not find the words or inspiration necessary to continue. But no one knew. As long as he held that notebook and pretended to write, no person suspected a thing.  
  
But seeing that glint in Lita's eyes. That glint that used to be vibrant now extinguished. Something hurt him inside. A tiny shred of his blackened heart had peeled away, leaving the smallest sliver exposed. He felt ... something.  
  
Jeff didn't know what it was. It had been so long since he'd felt anything, much less an emotion. But seeing her like that ... he felt something. Something that hurt, he thought it did at least. It ... bothered him that she had died inside. It bothered him that she secluded into herself.  
  
Lita was not a woman who was apathetic. Any woman who cared for animals and volunteered that much could not be apathetic. And here Jeff had just witnessed the internal collapse of that same woman.  
  
Did that really bother him? Jeff did feel something twinge on the inside. He could feel something but he just didn't know what it was. His mind remained blank but he still felt pierced, as if something was jarring him and he didn't know what it was. It had been so long since he ... felt.  
  
Shaking his head, Jeff brushed off whatever it was and closed his eyes, sighing as he relaxed back into his chair and the nothing that surrounded him.  
  
+++ Calm, Lita finished packing her duffel bag. She was done for the evening at the arena and frankly wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone. She just wanted to leave, to be alone where nothing could annoy her. Her friends had already started prying, spotting a change in the redhead over the last few weeks.  
  
But, Lita didn't need that aggravation so she just brushed off all the concern, laughed it away and insisted nothing was wrong. Her friends had taken her for her word, believing that everything was fine. Probably deducing some garbage about it being that time of the month or something equally as ridiculous.  
  
She shouldered her bag, turning towards the door, but her eyes widened and she jumped at the figure that leaned in the frame. "God!" A few moments of calming, she shook her head. "How ... how long have you been there?"  
  
Jeff Hardy shrugged. "Not long."  
  
They stood in silence for a long time, neither taking the initiative to speak next. Lita was at a loss for words and Jeff simply wasn't speaking, though if he was thinking or not, she didn't know. Just that the silence grew more and more uncomfortable. The longer the silence lasted, the more he seemed to stare, cocking his head as if examining her, trying to look inside her very being.  
  
Lita didn't like that. She was exposed. She shifted her weight, hoisting the bag a little higher on her shoulder and licked her lips. "Look, Jeff, I was about to be leaving."  
  
He didn't respond, simply stared. Just eyeing her, looking for something. She wasn't sure what he would be looking for but he showed no intention of moving out of the way. She kept her eyes downcast, walking to the door, expecting him to move out of the way to let her pass. He didn't and she bumped into his chest.  
  
Taken aback, she stumbled slightly, but he didn't reach out to steady her. Simply stayed there, arms crossed over his chest and watching. Just ... watching. She looked up at him, cool indifference in her eyes. "Are you going to move?"  
  
Still, the Hardy gave no answer, his eyes remaining even more indifferent then hers. And looking up at him, Lita saw something that she hadn't seen before. When had Jeff's eyes become so cold? She jumped when he spoke. "Aren't you going to wait for Matt?"  
  
Lita sensed the coldness of his tone and for the first time really saw the indifference in his eyes, the lack of total emotion. There was nothing. It was like looking into the eyes of a robot or a stone statue. Cold, unnerving, nothingness. And yet she couldn't bring herself to care. "No." she answered his question  
  
"Oh," he answered nonchalantly. Her answer didn't really phase him. "I was just asking."  
  
They fell into silence again, just standing there. Jeff still refused to move and Lita was resilient to back away. She sighed, frustrated. "Are you gonna let me pass?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh," she was surprised by his quick response. She truly expected him to move, or at least shift slightly to the side and she could squeeze past. How is it that his eyes remained cold yet they pierced right through her? Her lips tweaked with the uncomfortable quiet and she could feel his gaze at her blackened heart. Like he knew exactly what had happened to her. Steeling herself, she looked up into his eyes. "What are you staring at? Don't you know it's impolite?"  
  
A sarcastic smile pulled at the corner of his lips. "Since when did social norm ever affect what I do?"  
  
Lita shrugged, averting her eyes and tucking her hair behind her ears. "Never, I guess." She licked her lips, not liking the instant tense atmosphere that surrounded her. "So, why won't you let me leave?"  
  
"Don't want to."  
  
Unable to stop her frustration, she shook her head, turning her back and dropping her bag to the floor as she walked to the opposite end of the room. "Then I guess we're just gonna stand here."  
  
"Sure. I've got no where else to be."  
  
She threw her hands into the air, glaring at him. "So you're going to bug me?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
Growling her frustration, her anger, she stalked over to him, her eyes narrowed as she stared into his face. "Jeffrey Hardy, you will move that fucking ass of yours to the side and let me pass. I want to leave and you are damn well going to let me leave." She poked his chest. "GOT IT!" another poke. "HARDY!"  
  
Jeff cocked a single bemused eyebrow, his arms cockily crossed over his chest. "Yeah ... I got it." He turned sideways, leaving enough room for her to squeeze past. "Then I guess you'd like to be leaving."  
  
The angry glare still on her face, she grabbed her bag, brushing past him and out the door, rushing down the hall without a glance back.  
  
Jeff shook his head at the flash of red he saw as her hair whipped round when she turned a corner. She wasn't completely gone yet and he felt some sort of relief at that. There was still emotion within her; it wasn't too late.  
  
She'd exhibited anger, frustration, intensity. Emotions he hadn't felt in about six months. And he remembered that those three were the last to fade in his being. As long as she still could be angered, frustrated or intense, there was still hope. She wasn't completely lost.  
  
That notion ... pleased Jeff. Despite apathetic, he didn't want to see others in his position. He didn't want others to experience the 'nothing' he'd grown accustomed to day in and day out. Least of all, her.  
  
He was still alive enough to know that she was a friend; a close friend that at one time meant the world to him. He knew that a part of him a long time ago would have cared about her emotional state, her complete well- being.  
  
But here he had witnessed that she was not a lost cause. On the contrary, she was still salvageable. He could see the remnants and rubble of what used to be her emotional structure and he knew that she could be rebuilt.  
  
Jeff felt his lips tug slightly, the sensation hurting, stinging as a smile spread onto his face. It was a genuine smile. Wow, it had been so long since he smiled, he forgot how it physically felt. It actually hurt, his face and jaw muscles not used to the pull and the stretch. Opening and closing his mouth a few times, those muscles relaxed and again the ever- present semi-frown again fell onto his face.  
  
He didn't know why his stomach lurched, clenched with ... something. He felt a slight pang in his chest. Was he having a heart attack or something? It had been so long since he'd felt anything in that region; he didn't know quite what to do. Shrugging and shaking his head, Jeff brushed the feeling off and walked the opposite way down the hall.  
  
*** So, this is a test chapter. I have the whole story worked out but it's not written past this point. If you guys like it, the direction that it's going, I can continue. Well, to be honest, I'm gonna continue it anyway so just let me know if you like it or not. But I don't have it written past here yet so give me some time. *** 


End file.
